My Bucket List

It’s almost 3am, and to be honest, I am sleepy as hell. It has been a long day…. Challenging…. Trying….. I felt that there was not enough time to have done all the things that I needed to do and finish. Throughout the day I must have thought of a million and one things that are going wrong and things that I am not happy about in my life. Things that I wanted to change and things I thought would go better if it was done my way. I must have uttered a thousand profane words because normal phrases would not suffice. I AM NOT HAPPY. I am miserable.

A million things are going wrong so fast and it frustrates me to no end that I cannot stop it. I worry about things that have happened, things that are happening, and even things that have not happened yet. I worry about me, I worry about people around me, people against me, people in general…. I can’t even understand why I even worry at all.

I am overwhelmed by all the negativity that I have been feeling lately. I feel choked by it. I feel suffocated. I tried doing fun things to shake the feeling off, but it sticks to me like some crazy glue…. I rub and rub and rub till the skin looks raw and burned. I am clueless… and hopeless…. Which makes the gloomy feeling, magnify even more.

In desperation I turned to the net (always a welcome distraction) to get my mind off things. While I was browsing, I came across this old movie I saw of Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman entitled “the bucket list” I remembered how this movie touched me. How it made me feel that, in spite of all the bad luck and evil people and evil things in the world…. There will always be a part of us that will always be good….. That, no matter how bad things may get, we still have it in us to turn things around…. And sometimes, we might even be lucky enough to find one other soul that would think us worthy of saving….. worthy of loving……

Now what do I get out of writing this? Perhaps nothing…..What I write here may not even make a dent on anyone’s life….. but maybe, just maybe, in the off chance that someone who is on the brink of giving up on life, happens to read this, and moves him, and encourages him, and gives him a bit of hope….. Then my life would not have been useless after all…. That I have been good for something…. That to me, is more than enough.


“The simplest thing is... I loved him. And I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together. Which is amazing... When you think that only three months ago, we were complete strangers! I hope that it doesn't sound selfish of me but... the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life... And he knew it before I did.” - Edward Cole, The Bucket List, 2007