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My life is not perfect. Far from it. It's a constant struggle to make it mean something. And everyday brings new uncertainties, worries and doubts. Sometimes when i wake up, the thought of a new day overwhelms me that i close my eyes again hoping that oblivion would take over and make everything just go away. But I am not that lucky.
So everyday i grit my teeth and soldier on, I go through the motions of life with very little enthusiasm. What's even harder is pretending to be happy doing it. Smiling when there really is no joy in your heart. Laughing out loud when inside, you just want to curl into a ball and weep. Singing when there is no music left in your soul. I know I sound depressing and gloomy and believe me thats the last thing I wanted to be, but that's who I have become.....
They say happiness is a state of mind. I wish whoever said that would sit with me one day and just tell me exactly how that is so. I would give anything to be happy, I mean REALLY, TRULY happy.
So everyday i grit my teeth and soldier on, I go through the motions of life with very little enthusiasm. What's even harder is pretending to be happy doing it. Smiling when there really is no joy in your heart. Laughing out loud when inside, you just want to curl into a ball and weep. Singing when there is no music left in your soul. I know I sound depressing and gloomy and believe me thats the last thing I wanted to be, but that's who I have become.....
They say happiness is a state of mind. I wish whoever said that would sit with me one day and just tell me exactly how that is so. I would give anything to be happy, I mean REALLY, TRULY happy.
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