My so called Life...... and everything else in between

The Wonder that is Dubai....

2011-04-20T00:17:00.000-07:00

A good friend of mine was trying to improve his english speaking and writing skills, and so he asked me if I could write an article for him that he can read and practice on. I wasn't sure that I was the right person to do this for him but... what the heck... I gave it my best shot.... He is my friend after all.....

And so the article goes like this....

Dubai has grown so much in the span of 3 decades of it being a nation. Undoubtedly, one, if not, the youngest and fastest growing country in the world.

From barren desert lands rose towering sky scrapers and monumental buildings. From dry sandy hills sprung forth rivers, oasis and water theme parks. Who would have thought that all of these would have been possible.... but it is.... and now Dubai has earned it's place to become one of the world's most expensive and lavish tourist destination in the world.

One of Dubai's pride and Joy would be the colossal tower known as "Bhurj Khalifa" - The tallest building in the world.... At over 828 metres (2,716.5 feet) and with more than 160 stories, it stands right smack in the middle of Dubai like a monarch ruling over its dominion. It boasts a breathtaking view of the city from it's observation deck at a dizzying height well above the ground.

Another architectural wonder that could only be found in Dubai is the first and only 7-star hotel named "Burj-Al Arab". Sitting snugly on its own man-made-island out on the coast of Dubai, It never ceases to amaze travellers both on land and out at sea, with it's ever changing array of colours and hue. Burj-Al Arab is also the epitome of splendour and extravagance with its interior and decor decked in Gold. One cannot help but stare in awe at it's magnificence and opulence.

Even the malls in Dubai are exceptional.... such as the Dubai Mall with its massive area of over 440,000 square feet, hosting more than 1,200 stores and other world class attractions. The Mall of Emirates where you can find the only man-made ski resort within a mall (Ski-Dubai), the Wafi Mall which is built to look like a grand pyramid right in the middle of a modern city..... If you are a certified mall rat, then Dubai definitely is the place for you.

If you think that Dubai is nothing but a dry and desolate wasteland.... think again.... Amazing as it is, you will find the world’s most elaborate water theme parks within it’s bosom. The Wild Wadi water theme park is where you will find the tallest free-fall water slide in the world, surf-pools for all you surfing addicts, and a myriad of other water attractions. You can also check out the Atlantis water park, where you can go on a day-long adventure with your family and friends. You can choose whether you want to do the aquaventure...or discover the lost chambers.... or even swim with the dolphins..... Now who can ask for more?

Now if you are more of the outdoors –type-of guy/gal, Dubai will not disappoint you. No trip to the UAE is complete without one having to try the desert safari adventure. This adventure takes the phrase “roughing it out” to a whole new level. Not for the queasy-stomach, the adventure starts with a drive out to the middle of the dessert, camel rides and a light snack. Then gear up cause you are about to have the ride of your life....Dune bashing is one of the most thrilling and adrenalin pumping activities you can do out in the desert. One wrong turn and your whole world will turn topsy-turvy.... LITERALLY. Then the adventure mellows down to a night of relaxation and fun, where one can enjoy a sumptuous feast right in the heart of the desert. Your senses will be stirred with the smell of shisha, the taste of good food and the sound of hypnotic music while belly dancers enchant you with their smooth languid movements.

No matter who you are or where you are from, Dubai has something to offer you.... From it's colourful streets, such as "Sheikh Zayed Road, lined with it's multitude of hotels, Shops and Restaurants, to it's multi-cultured bars and night spots to its magnificent beaches and leisure parks.... One will never find himself lacking for entertainment and activity. Dubai will reel you in and will make you fall in love with it's exuberance and uniqueness....

The TRUTH.......

2011-04-10T23:07:00.001-07:00

Tonight.... I have come to realize something.....
And it was not those.... wham.... eureka-kinda-moment that you see on TV
it was this gradual realization of something..... like a cloud clearing up after a rainstorm..... it was.....
SUREAL....

I have always been a repressed wild child.... I know in my heart that there has always been this drive.... this need to be different.... to do things that are not done by normal people..... I wanted to be daring.... to be crazy.... to be LOUD. When i was younger, i didnt had the guts to do it.... i was too dependent on people. I wanted people to like me too. I wanted people to say what a nice kid i was.... I followed the rules, i smiled till my face hurt, and i did what was expected of me. I was not exceptional..... I was..... NORMAL.... and i was miserable.

Then, i grew up a little... learned a little more about life and how it works.... or how i percieved it to work. I learned about falling in love, getting your heart broken for the first time.... i learned about dissapointment..... mistrust.... betrayal..... i learned that life will not always let you have your way. That as you grow older, things will get more complicated, people will change... YOU will change. Friends will become enemies, enemies will become lovers and lovers.... well lovers will become fleeting memories..... well... those that have not engraved their footprint in your heart.... You learn to let people in and out of your life like the never ending cycle of night and day.... here one day.... gone one night..... such is the truth about life.....

I have felt every possible emotion there is.... all except one....I felt excitement, i felt pride, i felt remorse, i felt shame, i felt gladness, i felt sorrow, i felt dissapointment...... all, except one.... I never truly felt how it was, to be truly happy.

and then there was LOVE....

I thought i knew what being in love was all about. I have read about it countless times... seen it on the big screen and heard people talk about it endlessly. I have fantasized about it from songs that people play on the radio. I have craved for this thing that everyone wants to be part of..... I wanted sooooo bad to fall in love. I guess that was my mistake..... I wanted it so bad that i always mistake it for something else...... I am not ashemed to admit that i have rushed into relationships head-on.... only to come crashing back to earth after a while. I jumped from one lover to another, forcing love to come my way, only to have the door to love closed on my face. I led myself to believe that love is no different from lust..... and that the physical act of being with someone would bring forth this elusive gift..... what a fool I have been.... because in the end..... my quest to finding love, only led me to hate myself more and more. I began to doubt my ability to love.... I began to think that i am lacking.... that there is something wrong with me, or there is something that i am doing wrong.... because the harder i try to grasp for love.... the more the relationships end in bitterness and remorse..... I began to remodify myself into someone my lover would want in a partner.... they wanted skinny? I starved myself to death..... they wanted succesful? I pushed and shoved till i got to the top of what i do.... they wanted pretty? I bought so much damn make up i could put up my own cosmetic store. BUT in the end.... none of these mattered.....

I am not saying that i have given up on my crusade.... I still believe that LOVE is out there... and somewhere out there is a LOVE that is meant for ME. Perhaps, the road to finding it will be difficult... and i may have to face more heartbreak than i would care to experience.... BUT.... if this love is truly out there.... and if it really is meant for me... and me alone....then i know in my heart.... that it will all be WORTH IT.......

To Bank... Or... Not to Bank....

2011-04-07T04:08:00.000-07:00

I have always hated banks..... I feel that they are an institution made by the corporate world to suck the life and blood out of every individual, fool enough to acquire their services. They are the devil’s advocate.... and I am sure that you are all familiar with the quote “Money is the root of all evil”.... Well, these banks roll in lots of it..... need I say more?

Now I know, and I am not so naive to believe, that you would all believe and agree with what I have just said. Some of you may even say that I am so harsh to have said such a thing.... well maybe.... BUT let me just share why I feel this way about banks.....

I have never been a big fan of banks. Ever since I was a kid, I was not so keen on the “save your penny for a rainy day” ideology. Although believe me, my mom has been pounding us (her children) to do so.... Spend wisely, only get what you need, and use your piggy banks for what they are for.... no.... not as decoration but for actual saving.... Yeah? Well.... if my piggy bank were a real piggy, it would be the most malnourished piggy you would ever see in your life :P that’s how bad I was.

It’s not that I don’t like banks per se.... but more of... well, more of a trust issue. I don’t trust anyone else would handle my HARD-EARNED money, better than I can.... (well in my case, my mom can LOL). Come to think about it, what do banks really do anyway? They always say that they have your best interest at heart and that they are here to make your money grow through investments and interests and what nots. If this were really the case, then how come so many people are buried in DEBT and are on financial redlines? Properties that you’ve invested blood sweat and tears on are taken away as collateral or guarantee that you will pay them back..... wait wait wait...... since when did the tables get turned???? Now you OWE the bank???? .... didn’t you just give them money for safekeeping so you would not be in this very situation?

And one more thing.... banking transactions are a major PAIN IN THE ASS nowadays. Okay, tell me how you would feel if you went to a bank, handed all your documents which you painstakingly filled up to make sure nothing goes wrong, only to be informed later on (think 3 days after) that the transaction did not go through because the bank thought that your D was an O!!!!! WTF!!!!! Are you F””%$£%£ kidding me???!!!! SERIOUSLY..... they couldn’t have asked you this question... I don’t know... 3 DAYS AGO!!!! When your ass was right there at their bank and you could have made the changes right there and then???? DAMMIT!!!!....... ( okay.... breathe..... breathe....)

I do not mean to flare up like this but my experiences with banks have been so ridiculously frustrating that I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or throw a fit.... To be honest, I would gladly live the rest of my life without having to do anything with banks.... BUT.... Alas! It’s the golden era of banking. You would not get anywhere or do anything without a bank statement backing you up. So.... To the rest of human kind who shares the same sentiments.... GOOD LUCK TO US!!!

Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy

2010-12-03T23:28:00.000-08:00

I know i am gullible.... easily fooled, trusting.... and that is not a good thing. Cause people are EVIL by nature. They use you and abuse you and push you to the limit....

Another day is done......

2010-11-30T13:04:00.000-08:00

Well fellow bloggers, another day has passed, not that this day is any different than the one before. Nothing special happened..... well, having my boyfriend come pick me up from work is always special ^_^ and plus the fact that he finally went to have dinner with me and a friend at Rigga Road. Now most of you would think that there is nothing special about that, but the thing is.... my boyfriend is Local and works for the Government of Dubai who is always, and I mean ALWAYS in a Condura, and as such, needs discretion practiced at all times. Meaning.... no PDA (Public Display of Affection) no malling, no dining out, no bars, no liquor and no cigerattes and all other stuff that are normally "NORMAL and COMMON" to most people. So I think you would understand why having dinner at Rigga, one of the most crowded streets in Dubai, would be a BIG thing for me. I was practically beaming all the way home. He didn't stay long at the flat tho cause he have work early tomorrow. O yeah... he is also one of those rare Local guys who believe in practicing celibacy until we get married. You have no idea how frustrating this could be.....specially to someone who's as "active" as me. But I do love the guy and adore him beyond belief.... which is a huge puzzle to me as well so don't ask me why or how.....

So now I'm in bed listening to my room mate rant about her "complicated" love life and as much as I want to be sympathetic and listen to her love woes.... I am just not in the mood. On most days I don't mind her ranting about it.... (She rants about nothing else) but tonight is just too sweet for me. So I let most of what she is saying slip right pass me and I know I am being a bitch.... I would probably be remorseful by tomorrow, But I really am just not in the mood :( sorry sis.... One of them days you know. Besides, She don't need me to figure out and answer her dilemmas for her. She is old enough to know how to get herself in this situation. I am sure she knows how to get herself out of it as well.... She is a smart girl after all.

Eventually, she finally realized that i just am not interested, we both are now ready for bed. Good night fellow bloggers..... this nonchalant bitch is now signing of..... CIAO 6_6

Happiness

2010-11-30T04:43:00.001-08:00

My life is not perfect. Far from it. It's a constant struggle to make it mean something. And everyday brings new uncertainties, worries and doubts. Sometimes when i wake up, the thought of a new day overwhelms me that i close my eyes again hoping that oblivion would take over and make everything just go away. But I am not that lucky.

So everyday i grit my teeth and soldier on, I go through the motions of life with very little enthusiasm. What's even harder is pretending to be happy doing it. Smiling when there really is no joy in your heart. Laughing out loud when inside, you just want to curl into a ball and weep. Singing when there is no music left in your soul. I know I sound depressing and gloomy and believe me thats the last thing I wanted to be, but that's who I have become.....

They say happiness is a state of mind. I wish whoever said that would sit with me one day and just tell me exactly how that is so. I would give anything to be happy, I mean REALLY, TRULY happy.

BLEH Day :(

2010-11-30T04:41:00.001-08:00

I dont know what is up with today but for some reason, i just cant seem to get over this overwhelming sadness that i am feeling these past couple days. I was able to squish that little bugger yesterday and the day before with a little help of alcohol, but damn!!! the little punk is persistent!. He reared his ugly pocked face today and sank his razor sharp claws on my chest and did not let go....

I didnt mean to be so downcast and negative, in fact i tried to cheer up some people i know who are also having a shitty day.... ironic how it's so much easier to analyze other people's problems and advise them on what they should do and such, but when it comes to dealing with your own personal demons..... it's tough man, I tell you!

Quoting Rogj, i wish i could go back to the day when my only problem were homeworks that were not done on time. And how to ask mom and dad for money so i can buy that cute little sticker that i've been eyeing for sometime. When cartoons were more interesting than boys, when i wear what i wear because i like it and not because i want someone else to like it on me, when make up was taboo and band aids are the best remedy for skinned knees... when magic was still real and people take care of me....

I try not to regret anything ive done. Ive done all of them because i don't want to wake up one day and wish that i did.... i wanna take chances.... i wanna go out and experiment....I wanna live... but in wanting to do so.... I have done a lot of things i am not so proud of as well....skeletons that i hide in my closet.... i guess that's the price i pay for wanting to be free.... for wanting to be ME.... Its the price i have to live with.....

P for Profanity

2010-11-30T04:36:00.001-08:00

its 3:55 am which if i round up would be 4am….. not into numbers so i don’t know the rules about rounding off numbers and whether you can apply that to time…. anyways, im supposed to write some snappy and short write up for our station…. and for the life of me, i could not come up with one line without thinking of explicits and profanities in it. must be all those super cool websites that ive been visiting while trying to write, that rubbed on me.

it’s all kuya jay’s (our uber cool editor) fault. he showed me this website called www.badassoftheweek.com where i get to read all about this bad ass dudes and a relatively few dudettes. its not so much the info on the website but more of how the info was delivered. now if i were a regular normal traditional (mouthful of adjectives there) girl, which i am not, i would probably be put off by the number of profanities written on the article. but, like i said, i am neither normal, traditional or regular…. which means…. i love the site. if i were a dude, id probably have a hard on…. if you were anything like me, you would know what i mean. think me weird, i don’t care but reading profanities turn me on. its like reading a fuck-i-need-to jack-now piece of erotica or watching a talk-dirty-you-nasty-cunt porno. excuse my language…. i did say i was turned on…..

My Bucket List

2010-11-30T04:16:00.000-08:00

It’s almost 3am, and to be honest, I am sleepy as hell. It has been a long day…. Challenging…. Trying….. I felt that there was not enough time to have done all the things that I needed to do and finish. Throughout the day I must have thought of a million and one things that are going wrong and things that I am not happy about in my life. Things that I wanted to change and things I thought would go better if it was done my way. I must have uttered a thousand profane words because normal phrases would not suffice. I AM NOT HAPPY. I am miserable.

A million things are going wrong so fast and it frustrates me to no end that I cannot stop it. I worry about things that have happened, things that are happening, and even things that have not happened yet. I worry about me, I worry about people around me, people against me, people in general…. I can’t even understand why I even worry at all.

I am overwhelmed by all the negativity that I have been feeling lately. I feel choked by it. I feel suffocated. I tried doing fun things to shake the feeling off, but it sticks to me like some crazy glue…. I rub and rub and rub till the skin looks raw and burned. I am clueless… and hopeless…. Which makes the gloomy feeling, magnify even more.

In desperation I turned to the net (always a welcome distraction) to get my mind off things. While I was browsing, I came across this old movie I saw of Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman entitled “the bucket list” I remembered how this movie touched me. How it made me feel that, in spite of all the bad luck and evil people and evil things in the world…. There will always be a part of us that will always be good….. That, no matter how bad things may get, we still have it in us to turn things around…. And sometimes, we might even be lucky enough to find one other soul that would think us worthy of saving….. worthy of loving……

Now what do I get out of writing this? Perhaps nothing…..What I write here may not even make a dent on anyone’s life….. but maybe, just maybe, in the off chance that someone who is on the brink of giving up on life, happens to read this, and moves him, and encourages him, and gives him a bit of hope….. Then my life would not have been useless after all…. That I have been good for something…. That to me, is more than enough.

“The simplest thing is... I loved him. And I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together. Which is amazing... When you think that only three months ago, we were complete strangers! I hope that it doesn't sound selfish of me but... the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life... And he knew it before I did.” - Edward Cole, The Bucket List, 2007